Motorcycle Helmet question

guys, alright I promise I am not asking for a DOT helmet that looks like a novelty helmet, so please don't freak out on me yet, lol. I live in IL so I don't need to wear one, but I want to. However, if it looks stupid I just end up making excuses not to. But then again I don't want to bother wearing one if it's not doing anything either. So my 2 questions would be:

1) which of the novelty helmets offer the best protection? Again, I don't need DOT, just want to know if you feel any will protect you better than the majority of the novelty helmets or all they all equally shitty protection wise? I tend to prefer the german style.

2) Which of the DOT bulky helmets is the least bulky and mushroom like? Just figured maybe they have made some that are a little better looking now-a-days. Again I prefer the german style if possible.

I guess I am just looking for that happy medium for now if possible, or is it just all or nothing? Money isn't an issue. Thanks bro, hopefully this question is a little different then the other one you get every day

I love the question and you could not have asked in a better way.
slimmest DOT is the: http://www.ironhorsehelmets.com/dot-carbon-fiber-look-shorty-motorcycle-helmet/ (you will still look goofy in it)

Safest Novelty is the : http://www.ironhorsehelmets.com/3-4-matte-novelty-motorcycle-helmet/

Oops, Also...You DO NOT want the DOT German!!!!!UGLY