You had me at Merlot
In dog beers, I've only had one
I love me some me
Mr. T pities you
Oral sex is always a great last minute gift idea
Thank you and your vagina too
I know I have a vagina....But I’m going to need you to suck my dick
I mentally murder people I don’t like
I get paid to watch clown porn
I’m plotting your murder as we speak
Any hole is a goal
Fuckin Cops
That is Mr. Smart Ass to you
Your bike sounds like my cat
Yes I am a bitch, just not yours
Don’t start shit if you don’t want no shit
Hope karma slaps you in the face before I do
Do your kids a favor - Don’t have any
Ask me about my ADHD, or dogs, or pie, oh I saw a rock, hi
My name? My name is go fuck yourself
I’m actually not funny, I’m just really mean and people think I’m joking
Being single SUCKS. The only thing I get to do is whatever the fuck I want
I used to think you took my breath away, but then I realized I was just suffocated by your bullshit
Open your mouth or I’ll shoot your eye out
If someone hates you for no reason, give that motherfucker a reason
Blah, blah, blah. Good point but fuck You anyway
I wouldn’t Have to manage my anger if people could learn to manage their stupidity
I’m no cactus expert but I know a prick when I see one
Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to, unless you’re in prison
I don’t often use the metric system... But when I do I’m buying drugs
Balls to the Wall
Wet T-Shirt Time!!!!!!
I know you think you're interesting cuz you have an accent...but a drunken slur isn't an accent
I just had a near-work experience
Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore...a friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband
1f you c4n r34d 7h15, you r34lly n33d 2 g37 l41d
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